Deep breath

I am trying to remind myself...

To breath.

That everything happens for a reason.

That we can get through anything that comes our way.

That all that matters is that we are all healthy.

That we have a roof over our heads (for now).

Sigh.....

This morning Mrs. A encouraged me to go and talk to Mr. C again about the chances of a job at the school where I am at, expressing my desire to work there next year.

So I did.

And while Mr. C told me that he was making sure that he would look out for me, he also said that jobs here in the county this year are going to be few and far between, because growth has slowed.

Which made me want to cry...

But I didn't I went back to the room and had a good day.

But now I want to cry again...

I have put in applications in the surrounding counties, and with several other education establishments, but I have not heard anything so far.

I keep hearing that they will not know much of anything until May, when preregistration is done, and contracts have come back. And I keep trying to keep that in mind, but with the financial state we are in right now its tough.

What is the most frustrating is that I am loving working with the little kids, in the kinder class.

I love watching them "get" it.

I love stopping and thinking how can I rework this so they "get" it.

I love being able to show them how much I care about them.

I love the hugs when they do good, and the hugs to encourage them to keep trying.

I love that 99% of the parents are supportive and want to help their child become the best that they can be, and have not as of yet, just given up on their child.

I love the fact that learning is still fun for them.

I love when one of our "struggling" kids has a GREAT DAY, and I am able to express that to their "parents".

I love the fact that being in the classroom I am in, I am learning how to love to teach again, and that I am learning how to teach the "littles" again. There are days when I feel just like I did when I was in college and doing my internships, where I just sit in awe of what is going on in the room, and how Mrs. J is doing it. Mrs. J truly is a "master teacher", and I have learned so much this last month, and I am sure that I will only learn 1000 times more before June.

I told Mrs. A tonight after school just how much fun I had on Friday when she was out. How wonderful Mrs. F (the other sub was), and just what a great day it was (except for one potty "accident", and I use "accident" lightly because it was really an on purpose so the child could go home early.) It was a totally different atmosphere and feeling than the week before.

I know after a few years teaching primary would get tiring, but what I would give to have that job (or a similar one) next year, is amazing.

Mrs. A told me tonight that she really wants to move to an API (assistant principal of instruction) position next fall, but right now there are none available, so she is in the same position that I am in, in that regard. But I think that is why she was encouraging me to go talk to Mr. C today, so that if it happens for her, it can happen for me.

I am so frustrated because they "can not interview" for positions yet for the fall, but the student teacher across the hall has a job, in the school that I am in. And she brags about it almost daily, never to my face, but she brings it up when ever I am around. I would love to be able to think that she is just excited about the job, but a lot of the time, there is no context for her bringing it up, other than to bring it up.