Trying not to be upset

I am trying not to be upset, and I am trying to tell myself that I knew that this principal was a flake, but I am upset.

You see when I was asked to finish out the year in this class I was led to believe that I had a chance to get the spot for next year.

Then the principal never mentioned it again. I mentioned it once in passing, and she said that she was considering it.

But then she never ever gave me any feed back about what she saw the times she came into my classroom. NOT ONE TIME did she say, I don't like this, I think that this would have been done better this way, none of that, none of the GOOD principal things to do, especially if you are really considering a teacher.

To top it off never once did she have the courtesy to say to me, Mrs. C, I have decied that I am no longer going to consider you for the position for the fall. She interviewed people for the position, and didn't even ask the grade level members to sit in on the interview. So the grade level chair who knew how badly I wanted the position couldn't even say anything to me (which I know is not her position to do so, but she would have.)

I believe that she lied to me when she asked me to come in and finish out the year, and I think that she had this person in mind the entire time. The person that she introduced today is from Atlanta and has a job this year up there, so she couldn't take over the class. So the principal I believe lied to me when she said that she wanted me in place for the fall. Especially since when she introduced the new teachers for the fall, she made a BIG HUGE DEAL out of the fact that the new teacher was the LAST interview that they did, and how WONDERFUL her recommendations were, and how WONDERFUL her telephone interview was.

It was all I could do in the faculty meeting to keep from crying. The other long term sub, the other third grade teacher, and all of the specials teachers were sitting with me, and they all looked at me in shock, because none of them knew that I didn't get offered the position. The specials teachers all said that they thought it was a given, because I had worked so hard with those kids, and had walked into an impossible situtation and had made such a positive impact in the short time I was there.

When the faculty had to share challenges and rewards that they had faced this year, the grade level chair made a big production out of thanking both of us that are doing long term subbing positions. Everyone clapped and agreed, but the principal had a look on her face like what ever.

I hate to tell her this, she has 15 sets of parents who do not approve of many of the choices she made this year, as far as this class goes. I have had so many compliments about what a good job the parents think I have been doing, and only one complaint (and that was made to me, and it wasn't even really about me, it was about the changes in teaching style from the first teacher, to the second, to me).

I know that everything happens for a reason, and there is a reason why I did not get the job. It just is hard to see what it could possibly be, especially with our finances the way they are.

I know that going out and teaching where I will be teaching will be a good thing.

I know that I have a job for the fall.

I know that I will be the best third grade teacher that this state has ever seen, because I am going to put my heart into it.

I told Jerry tonight as we came home that I was going to prove this prinicpal wrong, and I was going to be THE third grade teacher to beat in Georgia as far as test scores go, because I am going to work my ass off.

I just wish that I didn't feel like I was a worthless lump that was tricked into doing this thankless job for the last 5 weeks. I am the first one to admit I probably would have taken the long term job even if I had known there was no chance in H&ll that I was going to get the job, but being tricked into it makes it that much worse.