Thursday, June 18, 2009

Just for me

Shellie at Blog 4 Mom has challenged the MomDot community to Write 4 You. In her words she says ” I challenge ALL of you to write and post from the heart, and focus on building relationships verses looking for the next big thing, big review or big stat. Can you accept this challenge and get back to why we blog?”

What she means is that we put so much pressure on ourselves to be invited, to be the next big thing in the blog community, to have 100s of comments, big reviews, and judge ourselves by our stats.

Instead, write a post for you and only for you. Talk about your life, your family, your dreams, whatever it is that is “you”.

Now we all know, or anyone who reads my blog on a semi-regular basis, my blog is all about me. I don't put on airs, I don't write about what I think other people want to hear. I write about our lives, as a military family, my life as a mom and a teacher. But I wanted to join in this challenge, as a chance to meet other bloggers, and see if there are other bloggers out there like me still, the ones that write for the same reasons I do.

I use my blog as a way to vent my feelings, express what I am thinking on an almost daily basis.

Do I sensor what I write about?

Sure I do. Because as a teacher, military wife and mom I am fully aware that someone out there could read what I write and I could suffer from it.

I could suffer proffesionally if I were to write about every little thing that happens at work, that I don't agree with. Or if I were to write about other teachers, or my students and their lives.

We could suffer as a family if I were to air all of my complaints about the Air Force, and the military.

We could also suffer as a family if I were to complain about every little thing that happens in our lives. Where would the trust be then?

I treat my blog as a journal, for the most part. A journal that I share with family, friends and even strangers, so I have to watch what I think and say. I try not to think a whole lot about what someone would think if they were to read my blog, but I know that I do.

Right now our family and therefore my blog are in constant state of change and worry. I worry about Jerry's surgery and health.

I worry about Jerry's recovery.

I worry about the girls being in Mississippi alone with MIL for a few weeks.

I worry about Kelsey falling off the horse this morning, less than 24 hours after getting to Mississippi.

I worry if DJ is ready for kindergarten, and what can I do to get him prepared in the next few weeks, since he didn't go to the prek summer program (at my choice since we were out of town.)

I worry about getting the lawn mower running again so I can finish mowing the grass. Z started it for us, and got most of it mowed, but the mower quit and now it wont restart. It bugs Jerry when the grass is long, and he so badly wants to get out there and cut it himself.

We really need a riding lawn mower to do the entire yard in one go, but who can afford one of those these days?

I worry about the house in Florida. It is trashed on the inside from what my MIL said after stopping by last week. I worry about making the payments on a house that we cant rent like it is, and I worry about finding the money to fix it up the way it needs to be fixed up in order to rent it out. I worry about the fact that the mortgage company will not help us, and will not talk to us until we fall further behind. I really think that they want us to go into foreclosure.

So thats all about me right now, my fears and worries.
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